There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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