i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
