Hey man sorry I got all grabby
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
