we made out on top of his cat.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
