Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We need to get me chipped asap
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
