Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
