So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
