I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
