Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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