yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
