none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
