This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
