at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You're a waste of cheezeits
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
