Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
