dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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