I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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