he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
