I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
