I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
