Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Randomize
