so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
