My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
