i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
