yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
