I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
