By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
