is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
