what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
