She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
