remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
