Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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