i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wish you could order shots online.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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