I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
