I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
And then he peed in my hair
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