Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
sex in a hospital.. check
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I party with great urgency now.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
