There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
