so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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