hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
