he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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