You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
