Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
