In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
