It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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