Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
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