the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
