my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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