I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
