Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
