News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
