planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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