apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
