i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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