we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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