I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
