meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
