The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
