I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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