PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
