I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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