i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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