I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
