Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
