new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize