Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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