she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
