Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I can't turn off my feet"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Im part way to drunk.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
