Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
