I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
