it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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