I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I wear drunk well.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
