She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
