There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
