She just used a chaser for red wine.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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